Wednesday, November 28

The Man Friend - Part 2

Most riders that have Man Friends use them for mental guidance, strength and back up. I'm sure someday if Blogandt takes off, Man Friends will come on here to make sure I didn't make fun of their rider, and maybe shoot me some dirty looks at the races if I do, and make sure I never get an interview with their guy again.

My Man Friend duties were much the opposite. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I suck at fixing stuff that guy's fix, so bringing someone in to help would only further back that up. Each day with the Man Friend would only bruise my ego more, take me down a few notches and hurt my confidence. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have to mow the lawn anymore.

The Man Friend's name is Tim, but we call him Tom. We also call him by an incorrect pronunciation of his last name, Borich. Tom Borich is a life long motocross racer and fan who got a computer degree back in the day, all the while breaking hearts of ladies all over the East. Alas, he found it impossible to mend hearts, but his repeated attempts at doing so made him an amazing mechanic. He went vintage racing and won a championship that awarded what must be the largest number-one plate in the history of motocross--I have it hanging proudly in my living room.

Tom Borich slaved away as a computer programmer for years while racing on weekends. Then one day he was reading a copy of Racer X and saw a 5 Minutes With .... Interview with John Daines. Daines is the mastermind computer guy behind Trackside, the computer program almost every track in the country uses to score races. Tom read the interview and saw John's job as the ultimate cross between computer programmer and racer. He called Daines and asked if he needed help, and Daines dispatched him to the 2003 Hurricane GNCC in Palatka, Florida. That was the muddiest GNCC ever (hands down, people, no arguing) so the computer scoring system took a beating. Tom liked it though and he showed up for the next race in Georgia, and the next race and the next and then eventually one day he rolled his '62 restored Chevy Panel truck up to our office in Morgantown to speak with Rita about a job. She said yes, and Tom became my road trip partner for the rest of the season. And the season after, the season after and the season after.

You learn a lot about a guy when you travel with him that much, and I soon learned that Tom was one of the strangest, most normal, most selfish, and least selfish people in the world. He is that unique. At first Tom appears to be a friend who suggests great ideas that can really help you. You have a problem and Tom can solve it. But six months later you realize the true motivation behind his ideas, and they are always, 100 percent of the time, absolutely designed to only help himself. Tom also seems like the most serious person on earth, until you realize he is never being serious and is actually the funniest guy in the world. No one puts more effort into preparing a joke like Tom--no amount of time spent is too much if it allows you to make fun of someone.

That made Tom the perfect buddy for Rita, who also appears to be the most serious person on earth until you get to know her. It was Rita who actually started misusing Tom's last name and saying it "Borich." See, Rita butchers names worst than anyone. If any part of your name matches a name that's already in her memory banks, you will be given the same name as the previous person. Tom's last name is Boryk, but she already knew an ATV racer named Borich, so Tom's last name became Borich, too. Tom's first name is also Tim. But Rita must have already known a Tom so he became Tom Borich.

Rita and Tim have the greatest love hate relationship in business today, and they both love it. Back when that battle started, though, most of us around here were still scared of Rita so we assumed Tim was the dumbest person here for trying to argue. Eventually we learned the friction between them was simply the result of two dry senses of humor being dragged together like sand paper.

Rita learned, like I did and eventually the rest of the office, that Tim's way was actually pretty good--he might seem selfess at first, but you'll realize he's selfish later, only to re-realize that's he's a good guy deep down.

Here's your guide: Tim is Jerry Seinfeld. Now I know many people enjoyed the Seinfeld show, and many have watched it and memorized it. But Tim is the only person I know who truly became Jerry Seinfeld, right down to hair and clothing style, voice pitch and dating habits. Jerry is always upset but never really upset. Jerry never shows that he cares for his friends but he does care for his friends. Jerry is never serious but he doesn't get goofy. Jerry is the only person who puts more effort into jokes than Tim, but that's his job. Jerry was also known for being a neat freak. Tim is also. That's what made him the perfect candidate for a man friend.


Anonymous said...

Have you bought him the T-shirt yet?

Jason Weigandt said...

Coming for Christmas.....