Friday, November 30

My Very First Conspiracy Theory

(I hate conspiracy theories. I hate them because I am jealous of them. This time of year, I have to defend the GNCC Series against the conspiracy theory, as we’re hashing up the new rules and classes for the 2008 series. Six years ago we basically played hunches and did what we thought made sense. Today, we rely on feedback from the internet, as even woods racers are handy with computers, user names and passwords. This puts us under pressure, then, to not only come up with good ideas and ways to implement them, but to also prove we are listening to everyone. Everyone knows the internet puts power in the hands of the vocal minority, and I’m in the majority because I realize this along with thousands of people at thousands of other companies. And for know most of our world is still just on message boards. Once blogs become big, I won’t be able to get rich from Blogandt, because I will be reading feedback from so many blogs that I won’t have time to update mine. (And LOL to the “So what’s your excuse now?” joke you’re all surely making at this moment)

Anyway, we get accused of conspiracy theories just like any other company would. In the little world of woods racing, Racer Productions is the big corporate giant, and while most people love what we do, someone can always think hard and come up with something sinister against a big corporate giant.

My defense against these conspiracy theories? I don’t use character witnesses to tell everyone how honest we are, or take lie detector tests, or show transcripts of backdoor meetings. Nope, my best defense is this: even if we WANTED to put some kind of evil plan together, we wouldn’t even have time to do it. Because that takes planning, and I don’t do that sort of thing.

My whole life, I’ve been working from behind, never able to come plan things out far enough in advance to do them as well as I like. I get by with improvisational skills, a good memory, or plain old BSing. I often defend my lack of planning with the line “I do my best work under pressure.” This, for example, is BS. I ONLY do work under pressure is more like it, which means I only define “my best” as just doing something at all.

My point is that when we get accused of the conspiracy theory, it burns me out because it really just reminds me of how I’m not organized enough to even have time to create a conspiracy. I’m just trying to get the darned rules done and posted on the internet so the phone will stop ringing. I’m probably already behind because I showed up late for work that day. By then, I’m so late that I can’t even wait for the payola check to show up in the mail.

And honestly, the conspiracy theories aren’t that good, and really aren’t that frequent. After all, this is just woods racing, we’re not really changing lives here. So there’s no reason for us to even conspire on anything, since none of this is that important anyway.

That was a pretty good BS excuse, wasn’t it?)

Anyway, this pains me because for once I have come with a conspiracy theory of my own. This is akin to a Palestinian saying “you know, I kinda’ see their perspective” about Israelis. I hate conspiracy theories that much. But this one, I believe, is beyond dispute.

WVU is now in position for the NCAA National Football Championship. They are ranked near the top of a pile of teams that never played against each other and all have one loss. The difference is that WVU lost their game earlier than others. The fact that the team they lost to, South Florida University, was ultimately proven to be that good is somehow forgotten. Obviously, this BCS Ranking system is flawed. And as an added kick in the nuts, the December 1 WVU v. Pitt game will determine if WVU plays for the National Championship on JANUARY 7. So gee, there’s even a handy MONTH in which to play a few playoff games. This one is just too dumb, to shallow and too obvious for someone to NOT believe there isn’t something shady going on.

So here it is, my first-ever conspiracy theory:

The BCS ranking system is a plan created by the sports talk radio hosts and sports writers around the country to make sure they have something to talk and write about. That’s it. That is why it does not get fixed. Just like public transportation systems in LA getting buried by payola from car tire companies. If public transport took off, people would buy fewer tires, right? Well, if the BCS system was fixed, what would there be for sports talk radio guys to talk about? Slow news day? Need to show how “ballsy” you are by shouting out a pointed opinion on something that you know everyone will agree with you on?

Bingo—the BCS ranking system. The perfect target.

Don’t expect to see a playoff system anytime soon as long as the BCS system is controlled by the media. Oh sure, it might not seem like the media controls it since they’re constantly railing against it, but that is merely more proof of the theory. The more railing, the better. And the sports talk types can rail on the BCS system like they are, well, on rails.

And the ranks keep getting stronger. Now the blogger and message board worlds are on the bandwagon, unwittingly playing along by complaining, giving the suckiness of the BCS more buzz, and fueling more talk radio rants.

Go and look up “BCS Ranking System Sucks” on Google and you will find plenty of entries that match this wording, including

And what’s more, I don’t even care about college football. And that’s the rub, for me. I try to read sports news and listen to sports shows on the radio and watch them on TV, but for as long as the time has to be filled with endless rants on how much the BCS sucks, I will also think the BCS sucks. And now it’s made me come up with my very first Conspiracy Theory. Now I really hate this whole deal.

1 Comment:

Daniel said...

Conspiracy Theories can be fun in the right setting. Take for example a party where alcohol is involved. Less than sober people really have a hard time coming up with coherant thoughts to go along with the conspiracy theory. If you happen to be sober you can really mess with people. Quite enjoyable. Especially if you have one other sober person to back you up.